My theory is that people who hurt often hurt other people. Sometimes they hurt others intentionally, sometimes unintentionally. But in either case, the suffering is frequently contagious. This can create a chain of pain that continues for generations.
I think that we can help to slowly wear away at that pattern of pain within our small circles each time that we meet anger, contempt, cruelty, selfishness, irrationality, prejudice, etc. with as much solicitude and compassion as possible. We can slowly patch up the broken hearts and gradually melt the hard hearts by being merciful, kind, sympathetic/empathetic, forgiving, and loving, etc.- instead of treating people in like kind or giving them what they deserve. We can listen. We can try to understand what got them to this place, what wounds they carry, and why they are behaving the way that they are. And essentially, as my mother (may she rest in peace) said to me many times during my childhood, we can "give them the benefit of the doubt."
I think that we can help to slowly wear away at that pattern of pain within our small circles each time that we meet anger, contempt, cruelty, selfishness, irrationality, prejudice, etc. with as much solicitude and compassion as possible. We can slowly patch up the broken hearts and gradually melt the hard hearts by being merciful, kind, sympathetic/empathetic, forgiving, and loving, etc.- instead of treating people in like kind or giving them what they deserve. We can listen. We can try to understand what got them to this place, what wounds they carry, and why they are behaving the way that they are. And essentially, as my mother (may she rest in peace) said to me many times during my childhood, we can "give them the benefit of the doubt."
I didn't think my mom's response was fair when I was an immature kid hoping she'd address some grievance of mine. And maybe it wasn't. But life isn't fair. And in my middle age I can see the wisdom of her words. Giving people the benefit of the doubt (instead of assuming the worst motive for their actions) and treating them with more respect than they have earned is, in my opinion, the loving thing to do. It's also incredibly difficult. After all, those who are hurt most deeply are probably the people who are the meanest.
Yes, people can be truly evil. Yes, there are things worth physically fighting for. No, I may not make a difference or change others' hearts or ease their pain. But in continually trying to meet ugly and cold behavior with as much warmth and big-heartedness as I can muster, hopefully I will have at least changed MY heart. I can do my best to pass the least amount of pain and hurt along to those I interact with. And really, that's all someone as insignificant as myself can hope to do.
In my more optimistic moments, I like to think that I'm not the only fool to feel this way. I imagine that there are lots of people who do their best to swallow the pain and unpleasantness that they are faced with, and in return, spill out charitableness. And if that is true, perhaps some day, generations from now, our little circles may overlap and the world will be a more peaceful, reasonable place. I can dream, can't I?
