Pre-labor

Part of me thinks that I have been "overdue" with each of my babies simply because my husband and I get so out of synch before births. His jobs have always been stressful, and he has never seemed to be able to wrap things up before births. He also gets really anxious before births, and deals with his worry in a completely different manner than I do. I think that this lack of unity and psychological readiness must impact the start of labor to some small degree. 

Here's the latest example. There is a 4 week window for the arrival time of a baby, basically 2 weeks on either side of a "due date." (For example, the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG) says that an induction of labor should be considered at, but not before, the completion of the 42 week mark, unless medically indicated.) On the 26th of January I was feeling distinctively laborish. I was well over a week into that 4 week window. I had the usual steady, strong, but short contractions on and off through the night, and had longer, really strong, isolated contractions at random that morning after getting up and moving about too. I also had really painful mentrual-like cramps. And somehow, something felt different. I felt like things could really take off at any moment. I tried to tell my husband, but he was preoccupied with a deadline he had for his new job. I sent a message to my midwife to alert her, just in case. Then, when I found my husband on the recliner in his PJs with his laptop a short time later, I informed him again that today could be the day, that I was feeling pretty labor-ish. I suggested that perhaps instead of working on his new job stuff, he should get ready for the day first, just in case. 

His response? "Give me an hour." For a second I thought he was joking. I could deal with levity. I appreciate humor. Our last child was born in about 45 minutes after all, despite his weight of well over 11 lbs. But a look of panic swept across his face that was very real, and soon he was dressed and back on his laptop typing feverishly. I quickly realized that he was "dead serious." I thought, "Like I can just put the arrival of a baby on hold for you for a specified amount of time?!" After all these years and 5 births (one of them over 2 weeks "late") he knew that I had no intentional control over when the labor process starts or when a child was born! "How could he say something like that?" I thought

I also got mad. Running through my head were thoughts like: Work was more important than our new baby?... and on a Saturday too! And on our oldest son's birthday? Although the first week of that 4 week window had come and gone, he wasn't ready yet? He wasn't prepared to drop everything when the time came? I know that providing for a family of 6 is a big responsibility. I acknowledge that he does so very well. I know that the weight of a decision to take a new job weighed heavily on him and that he wanted to start out on the proverbial "right foot." But I felt rejected, demoralized, depressed, and angry. 

I refrained from bothering him, and bottled up what would have probably turned into a sitcom-like scene wherein the pregnant woman turns into a hormonal lunatic while a dumbfounded husband is taken completely by surprise. Instead, I informed my kids that I was feeling weird and that maybe the baby would come today, but that Daddy was busy and I needed to take it easy until he was finished. I also talked with my oldest in more detail. Then I laid down in bed so as to stave off anything, in case labor was actually imminent. Small, short contractions came and went as I worried and fumed and while the kids got a little wild and cavorted upstairs and then took advantage of the lack of parental oversight to have a DVD marathon. In the end, the contractions eventually subsided by late afternoon.

Anyway, I'm glad our baby wasn't born that day after all, even if my husband's unpreparedness did help to postpone the birth. It was the birthday of our oldest son that day. He would have had a great present, but in a way his birthday would have been stolen from him. Besides, how would we have handled the pick-your-birthday-dinner tradition on future birthdays with a shared birthday?! Needless to say, our oldest got less attention than usual this past birthday, although we did manage to pull off his birthday dinner, cake, and presents that night anyway. Hopefully he is old enough to understand the unusual circumstances of that day. And in the future, the phrase, "Give me an hour" will run through my head whenever my spouse and I aren't connecting and I feel ignored by him or angry with him.